DISCLAIMER: We are not writing this blog to offend or point
fingers at anyone. It is to educate others on the adoption process because
through this journey that Ron and I are on we have found that most people know
absolutely nothing about adoption. In fact, 6 months ago we didn’t know much
about it either. This blog is mostly to help us to verbalize what we have been
feeling because sometimes saying it out loud helps. We don’t expect this to get
read by many people, but for those of you who do read it, all we ask is that
you pray for us. This is by far the hardest experience we have ever been
through. We know it will be so rewarding in the end, it is just a matter of
getting to that point.
Whoa was that just a cow flying through the air? What? This is the time in our lives we find ourselves in. It is like a proverbial twister of
emotions that grab at our soul like a fat kid sneaking an extra piece of candy
when nobody is looking. Yes we are
in the middle of adoption and yes I will come at you like a rabid honey badger
that isn’t willing to take any of your “wisdom”. It all started when we decided to try to have kids… we
tried… and tried. No luck. It has been over 3 years of hearing,
“just stop thinking about it” or “you’re too stressed”. I can’t tell you how often we have
heard, “just get drunk” or “try this position”. Oh I am sorry.
Do you have a doctorate in fertility? It is just hard to take seriously a person giving me
fertility advice as they’re drinking some off brand crap beer and has 47 kids
they can’t afford. Oh by the way,
you’re welcome for those food stamps I am funding out of my hard earned check.
Now it’s our turn to offer you some “wisdom” you may or may
not want to hear.
- Babies R Us is not as it sounds. This is not the place we go to pick up the newborn baby we so desperately want. Believe it or not, babies are not readily available and are not just waiting for us to come pick him/her up off the shelf.
- Why don’t we just pick a child from the foster care system? Well, because we didn’t want to. Yes, this is something that we considered for a short time but decided against. It takes a special family to take on the responsibility of a foster child. There was a reason why this child is in the foster care. Unfortunately the risk of neglect, drug exposure in utero, physical abuse, emotional abuse or sexual abuse is almost a guarantee and we didn’t feel up to this challenge. However, there is no guarantee that our adopted newborn will be unaffected by the aforementioned (but more on that later). Yes, this is the cheaper way to have a child but that doesn’t make it the right decision for us.
- No, adoption is not free. Not even close. Just because a child needs a home doesn’t mean that he/she is going to be gifted to us.
- Why don’t we just have our own kids? Don’t you think we have tried? I have dreamed about being a Mom for as long as I can remember. Yes, my heart broke a little every month we didn’t get pregnant. Yes we have seen infertility specialists and have been poked and prodded at. And no, not all insurance covers infertility visits and procedures. At the time my insurance covered 0%. You have no idea how much money we paid to find out absolutely nothing. God led our hearts toward adoption and that is all anyone needs to know. I listened to un-welcomed advice on how to get pregnant for years now and if I hear one more person say, “just stop thinking about”…
- Oh, your best friend’s cousin’s boss’ neighbor got pregnant after adopting? Good for her! That doesn’t happen to everyone who adopts and it doesn’t mean that we will get pregnant after we are blessed with a baby through adoption. If that is in God’s plan for us we would feel so blessed, but we are not going to assume that is going to happen to us.
- Adoption is not the ‘easy way’ to have kids. You have no idea how much paperwork, checklists and classes that have to be completed before you are even considered ‘waiting for a child’. Sure I don’t have to worry about morning sickness, food cravings and aversions, stretch marks, having a baby tap dance on my bladder, or trying to lose pregnancy weight but I would gladly deal with this (but I have so much more to say about this in a later post).
- No, I don’t want your kids because they are ‘driving you crazy lately’. Do you know how lucky you are to have kids that ‘drive you crazy’? Complaining about how awful your children are doesn’t make me feel sorry for you. And it doesn’t make me want kids any less. It makes me sad that you can’t appreciate them and how lucky you are to have them.
- Yes, you can ask of questions about adoption. It is one of our favorite things to talk about right now but please think about the appropriateness of the question before you ask.
Until next time...
