We Want That One

Choices are made on a daily basis. Sometimes the choice is easy, sometimes the choice is hard. Before we started the process of adoption we never thought about being able to choose what kind of child we wanted. All we knew was we wanted a baby. It's not like we were going to the store to pick the child we wanted off the shelf, yet that is what it kind of felt like.

At the beginning of this process we were given a sheet of paper titled "Child Desired". The questions started off easy. Age range in years?: 0. Gender?: Male or Female. Number of Children?: One or Two (Two would be twins. Buy one, get one free. Yes please!) Race/Ethnicity You Would Welcome Into Your Family?: Open to any mix of Caucasian, Black, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American. Are you interested in adopting from another country? No.

Then the questions got increasingly harder. It's not easy to decide what emotional, intellectual and medical potential special needs we are willing to accept or not accept. Sometimes it not even easy for me to make the easiest of everyday life choices. Will we accept a child with medical needs such as a drug withdrawal, alcohol exposure, congenital heart disease, missing limb, deformity of arms or legs, cerebral palsy, blindness, deafness, etc.? Will we accept a child whose birth parents have a history of mental illness, mental retardation, epilepsy, drug use, alcoholism, etc.? These are choices that will alter our lives and the life of a child forever and it feels scary as we wonder if we've made the right choice. Some of these choices we said we would accept, some we will not accept, and some we would discuss on a case by case basis.

We felt guilty marking 'will not accept' on some of the questions. It is hard to be reluctant to accept all possibilities. God accepts all people, so why shouldn't we? Who are we to be picky? Every child deserves a loving family. Are we willing to pass up potential children just because they have a special need? Are we ready for all the challenges a special needs child would bring into our lives?

When we thought about having a child of our own, we thought it would be this perfect little baby that had nothing wrong with it. Was our thinking naive? Maybe. Could we end up with a baby that is perfect in every way? Absolutely. And even if we are blessed with a child that has "something wrong with them", are we going to love it any less? Of course not! It will be perfect in our eyes, which is all that matters. I realize that even I was to become pregnant there are still plenty of potential special needs that could arise. It's just that I would have control over some of these risks, such as drug and alcohol exposure. I can't control any potential birth mothers, even though I wish I could.

We feel that we are very accepting of what we will or will not accept. Will this lead us to the child that God has chosen for us any faster? We hope so. A few days after our failed adoption the adoption agency informed us that we were 1 of 2 families within all six of their offices that was open to an African American child and/or a boy. This has probably changed now that it has been over 8 weeks since then, but it made us sad that at that time that no one wanted an African American child. Well, sad and kind of happy because we thought it might lead us to our baby sooner. But it all goes back to the fact that with adoption you can try and 'choose' what you desire. But I think this gives a false sense of control. We know that we can try all we want to be in control, but ultimately God is the one in control and already has our perfect baby chosen. All we can do is try to wait patiently.

Until next time...