Hurry Up And Wait

It seems like we started the adoption process years ago, but in reality it has only been 6 months. We met with a couple different agencies in town and decided on Family Connections Christian Adoptions (FCCA). They have been awesome to work with and we only have good things to say about them. FCCA has a total of 6 agencies here in California that all work together as a team. What's great about that is that our 'profile' (an album that we made with a letter to potential birth moms and pictures that showcase our life = how amazing we are or want to appear) can be shown to a birth mom from any of the 6 agencies, which increases our chances of being picked by a birth mother. So when we do get our baby it will be from California. A birth mother could pick us in her last trimester or we could get a call at any moment that we have been chosen by a mother that has just delivered and a baby is waiting for us at the hospital. We hope we are lucky enough to just get a call that we have been selected and a baby is waiting for us at the hospital.

It's really too bad that there aren't prerequisites to complete before becoming a parent for ALL parents, not just for adoptive and foster parents. Although, if this were the case there would probably never be any children to adopt. As it seems people are squeezing out children right in the WIC office entrance way or at their mailbox as they pick up their EBT cards. Most people have no clue how much paperwork there is to be completed, classes to be taken, and home preparation that has to be done (and no I'm not talking about preparing a nursery) prior to being deemed worthy of becoming adoptive parents.

The abridged version of the process goes a little something like this:

• Information Session
• Or what I like to call the FREE class! Please note that this is the only part of the adoption process that is actually free. 
• Intake Interview
• Basically a meeting to find out if the agency can help us with our adoption plans. Yes, they can help us. Now the craziness begins!
• Class #1, #2 & #3 (each of which are about 4 hours)
• Topics included homestudy requirements, bonding and attachment, special needs children, relinquisment vs. fos-adopt, changing unacceptable behaviors, your child's past, community resources, etc.
• A mountain of paperwork and checklists
• Financial Statement (with monthly expenditures, monthly income, assets and liabilities, insurance coverage), employment verification, tax returns, completed Live Scan, proof of health insurance, proof of auto coverage, 10 year DMV reports, CPR/First Aid certification, a complete physical health examination, TB test, emergency care and disaster plan, drawing of floor plan of our home, completed water safety class, self studies (which is pretty much our life story from birth until present time), home checklist (this particular checklist had 83 items to be completed) and the list goes on and on and on... let's just say we did less paperwork to buy our home during the economic crisis.
• Panel of Adoptive Parents
• 4 families that have adopted from the agency share their real life experiences of the adoption process. There was one family that did international adoption, one family that did domestic adoption, and 2 families that adopted from the foster care system. During this panel we had the opportunity to meet some of the children which was awesome to see how thankful they were for their parents.
• Individual Interviews 
• We met with our social worker individually for counseling. The overall purpose of this is to see if we are balanced individuals and if Ron and I have a strong marriage that can handle the stresses of the adoption process and the stresses of parenthood. During this process we learned that Ron feels he always lets me win fights and I always let him win.  Who knew there was actually no winner?!
• Buddy Family Visit
• We met one on one with a family that did a domestic adoption through the agency and got to hear their story and ask questions. Ron's favorite part was playing with their 2 year old son and getting free dessert.  Okay... there are two free parts to adoption. 
• Home Visit
• This is when our social worker visited our home. I was most worried about this visit because a lot was riding on this. This was the last step before we were officially considered 'waiting' for a child. I cleaned the house for weeks prior to the visit and I keep a clean house to start. My cleaning became slightly compulsive, which I think helped with all my nervous energy. Our house had never been cleaner, except for when we first moved in 5 years ago. This process was not quite what we expected, but it was good.  Our social worker Elizabeth has a great sense of humor and made Ron nervous when she pretended we weren't suitable parents when she asked if we had firearms. Yes, they were in the gun safe.

Now that all the paperwork was done, this is where it got more difficult for us.  Seeing as Ron is a go-getter and I am extremely organized/Type A personality this part was needless to say tougher than anything we had faced up to this point.  Not being in control of the future is a challenge for us. We would often be asked, "So... how's it going with the process?" and we would have to respond something to the nature of, "...just waiting now."  Blah... literally there were no words for the feeling of the tailspin journey we had embarked on.