So now I've reached the point in our story where things get tough to talk about...
It was a normal Friday afternoon (6/21/13) when we got a call from the adoption agency. We were told that our profile had been shown to a birth mother and that we had been chosen. We were ecstatic! This was the first time our profile was shown to a birth mom and it was picked. We must of done a better job than we thought of making ourselves appear awesome in our photo album. We never imagined that we would be picked so soon. We weren't even technically 'waiting' yet because our home visit hadn't been completed. However, our agency presented our profile to this birth mom because our homestudy would be completed by the time she gives birth. We just assumed we would be one of those couples that has to wait a year before they are picked and we were prepared to wait. It would all happen in God's perfect timing.
The birth mom, lets call her 'C', was due August 17, 2013. She was having a boy! She was choosing to make an adoption plan for her son because she was only 18 years old and this would be her 3rd child. Bad decision making had gotten her where she was. Pregnant, practically homeless, jobless, a mother to a 1 year old and a 2 year old, baby daddy not in the picture, and no current plans to make a better life for herself.
We were less than 2 months away from being parents! It seemed so surreal. It seemed like everything was just falling in to place. Everything up to this point had seemed so easy. We were told by our social worker to be 'cautiously optimistic'. I will forever remember this statement because we heard it so much. Even though we were excited we needed to remember that just because she she had picked us to adopt her son, didn't mean that she would follow through with her plan. Because of this we only told our parents and a few of our closest friends.
During this time of waiting for August 17th to come around we finished preparing the nursery. We had tried to make the nursery as gender neutral as possible because when we had started it we didn't know if we would be getting a boy or a girl. It ended up looking a little more suited for a boy, but at this point that was okay because we were to supposed to be getting a boy. We bought a car seat, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, a few outfits, and all the things we needed to get through the first couple of days with him. I am not one to be unprepared, so we prepared. We figured even if things didn't work out, we would be able to use what we purchased on some child in the future.
Side note... Has anyone ever tried to fit an infant car seat in the back of a 2 door Jeep Wrangler? It is not an easy task! After several trips to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby, research done of Jeep Forums, and calls to the Jeep dealership we were able to solve the mystery. Thank goodness because selling my Jeep was out of the question. I love it way to much. We knew we couldn't be the only ones that feel a 2 door Jeep Wrangler is a suitable family vehicle!
Our adoption journey started to get more difficult right after we were matched with C. Adoption isn't as easy as it is portrayed on t.v. or in the movies. We were watching Friends the other night and had to laugh at how easy the adoption process was for Chandler and Monica. Most pregnant women that end up at an adoption agency aren't knocked up high school cheerleaders. They are women whose lives are in total in disarray. C wanted to meet us and we wanted to meet her. We thought it was important to build a relationship so that we were just more than 2 strangers in a picture to her. We also wanted our future child to know where he came from.
C invited me to a doctor appointment a week and a half after we were matched. Her social worker would be attending the appointment as well and would introduce us and help break the ice. The day of the doctor appointment came and C had some lame excuse as to why she couldn't attend the appointment. One week later we were scheduled to try and meet again. This time we would be meeting at the adoption agency and Ron would be attending as well. The day of that meeting came and once again she couldn't meet with us. By this time we are left feeling confused and sad. It takes days to mentally prepare ourselves for the meeting because if she doesn't like us she is entitled to change her mind and choose another family. A week later another meeting was scheduled. I didn't get my hopes up because I figured she would flake out again. To our surprise she actually followed through and we ended up meeting her. Overall our meeting with her went well. She was friendly, chatty, and easy to talk to. We got to ask questions about her interests, her family, the birth father, and her kids. Her mother showed up to our meeting about half way through it which was interesting because at that point in time her mom was not okay with her decision to give the baby up for adoption. Her mom had some very blunt, in your face questions for us which Ron answered to like a champ. At the end of our visit her mom pulled me aside and said, "I came in here not wanting to like you but now I have nothing bad to say about you." Wow, what a complete turn around!
I was invited to another doctor appointment and week and a half after our visit with C. The day of the appointment came and an hour before the appointment she flaked out. Surprise, surprise. A few days later I get a call from her that 2 days ago she went to the hospital because she was having contractions but she was sent home because she was only dilated 1 cm and not progressing. At this point she was less than 3 weeks away from her due date. Ron and I were excited at the possibility of her giving birth soon. We just wanted to know if he was going to be ours or if we were going to have to move on. Our social worker was excited for us because every one was having a hard time reading her. C was excited because she was so over being pregnant and wanted to get on with her life. It was exciting knowing that she could give birth at any time now and that we might finally be parents and give this little guy such a great life filled with love and opportunity.
In the next 3 weeks she had 3 doctor appointments. All of which I was invited to and she actually followed through with. It was a great time get to know each other better and build our relationship. I got to hear his heartbeat at 2 of these appointments. And saw him briefly on an ultrasound one time. So amazing! It was getting harder and harder to stay 'cautiously optimistic' as her due date approached. I just wanted to be 100% excited, but at the back of our minds we knew that there was a chance she could change her mind about the adoption plan and we would be left with nothing other than an empty bank account.
Do you see a trend here? She flakes out several times, then follows through with plans, flakes, and then follows through. All the while we are having highs and lows with our emotions. What a roller coaster ride. It's not fun having to just play along. It's not like we can lecture her for not following through with an appointment, as much as we wanted to. And then when we do see her, we have to pretend like it's no big deal that she does this. Ahhhhhh!! Our social worker assured us that this is normal behavior for a birth mom and that even the most flaky birth moms have followed through with their adoption plan. Sometimes the most responsible birth moms are the ones that don't follow through with the adoption plan. There is just no telling how the story will play out until after the child is born.
Her due date came (8/17/13) and went and she hadn't given birth. The last 3 weeks had felt like the longest 3 weeks in our lives as we waited and waited for her to go in full on labor. So we tried to stay busy and live our lives normally but life took some unexpected turns and things started to spiral out of control very quickly.
Until next time...
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